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Staff PicsHide

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Recent announcements have been too depressing, so it's time to liven up the mood with some Staff Pics! We believe the latest round of Staff Pics ranks as our finest collection. Pics will be Freeleech for an indefinite amount of time. Now, don't be a fool—download these pics!

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DixieFlatline's Staff Pic

Free - Leeches

Genre: karma.core, retribution.wave, hip.trap

Review:

You haven't lived until you've tried What.CD's free leeches.​

Irimias's Staff Pic

Wood - Table

Genre: kitchen, post.woodcore, subliminal.anarchy

Review:

Wood's 1,245,334,010th release appears generic at first, but upon closer inspection yields myriad subtle pleasures and a concealed political agenda.​

Gautam's Staff Pic

CAPITAL - LETTERS

Genre: scream, loud, noise, avant.garde

Review:

A YEAR AFTER THEIR CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED RELEASE Punishment, CAPITAL'S LETTERS SHOWCASES THE BAND'S PROGRESSION TOWARDS A REMARKABLY LOUDER SOUND. IT IS DIFFICULT TO IGNORE A RELEASE THIS STRONG, WITH HITS SUCH AS "WHAT?" AND THE PLATINUM SINGLE "I CAN'T HEAR YOU, SO I'M GOING TO NOD MY HEAD AND HOPE YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING IMPORTANT". ​

draculesti's Staff Pic

Ration - Small Serving

Genre: mashup.potatoes, grape.jam.band, drum.and.seabass, breakbeet, metal.utensils

Review:

This is a rare Ration release that includes both chocolate and milk, a highly coveted combination. People around the world frequently seek an easy way to improve their Ration, but the simple answer is that this is an impossible task. It all comes down to luck, and whoever receives this Ration has hit the jackpot.​

Ajax's Staff Pic

Wood - Staff

Genre: wood, wooden, wooden.staff

Review:

Place Staff in your listening room by gently leaning it up against your hifi system. Staff will improve the subharmonic dynamics, and increase the overall naturalness of the sound. By stabilizing the microvibrations created by your audio components, it purifies the signal path and prevents degradation. Staff's axial cellulose substrate equalizes the pockets of incoherent energy which is otherwise randomly distributed around your listening room, and corrects the phase distortion otherwise produced, resulting in a richer, fuller sound floor, greater harmonic overtone spectra, and envelopes your sound system in a more pleasantly ambient natural decay which enhances the depth of your soundstage and and brings a clarity, presence, and spaciousness to your recordings.​

Entrapment's Staff Pic

Triangles - Across the Universe

Genre: three.sided, witch.house, trap

Review:

I fucking love triangles.​

vitiate's Staff Pic

Bauchant Drinking Overdrive - Kind of Orange

Genre: drunkstep, regressive.death.metal, which.house, medium.fi, bootgaze, unprepared.piano, untelligent.dance.music, pre.post.rock, current.wave, staff.pics, straightedge.stoner.rock, steganography

Review:

Deep amber-orange hue. Pronounced, clean, piercing orange oil aromas. A nuanced, viscous attack leads to a spirited, full-bodied palate. Orange flavours are quite natural and focused. Cognac plays an integral part in this intriguing and exceedingly complex nectar. Finishes with an extraordinary explosion of flavour complexity and length with a lingering hint of sweetness.​

Logos's Staff Pic

Dragonfly - Compound Eyes

Genre: field.recording, ambient, crossover

Review:

Straight out of the Mother Nature Studios comes the latest release called "Compound Eyes". It focuses on the roots of their sound, "10 Surprisingly Brutal Facts About Dragonflies" comes to mind and the mood reminds me of their debut "Sure, You Can Pray for Me and... I'll Dance Naked in the Forest for You", but it doesn't fall short of more subtle moments at all. You'll shit bricks.​

chai's Staff Pic

Shutterstock/Thinkstock - Stock Photograph

Genre: ice.cream, licking, messy, sharing, sisters, creepy, phallic, self.pleasure

Review:

Three young adults licking huge six scoop ice cream cone with hot fudge careening down the ice cream and cone.​

Peppermint's Staff Pic

Boulder Creek - Pebbles

Genre: light.rock, smooth.rock, indie, skipping.core

Review:

Breaking loose from the conglomerate trappings of their previous incarnation, The Flatirons, Pebbles have collaborated with a creek in Boulder, Colorado to create a particularly inviting form of light rock which belies their iconoclastic quintessence. While still being a tributary to the mainstream, a pleasing roughness is yet retained within their surface smoothness, distinct from the gloss of the typical mainstream rock. With a recent 5-star review from Rolling Stone, a skipping tour along the West Coast and rumored interest from Atlantic, the future seems to be paved for Pebbles.​

Hyperion's Staff Pic

Drones - Beehouse

Genre: house, bee.house, drone, noise, buzzing

Review:

Drones are the largest bees in the hive (except for the queen), at almost twice the size of a worker bee. They do not work, do not forage for pollen or nectar and have no other known function than to mate with new queens and fertilize them on their mating flights.​

porkpie's Staff Pic

Seeds - Flying

Genre: soft.core, flower.power, lawn.invasion

Review:

A dandelion spreading its seeds in a quest for total lawn domination. Not everybody welcomes the presence of the species in their garden, but the beautiful yellow flowers can often be spotted on a neighbor's property, sometimes in impressive amounts shining almost with the sun's strength.​

brd's Staff Pic

Self-titled - Self-titled

Genre: black.and.white, photo, color.depth, 1bpp, not.true.color, best.quality.available

Review:

From the well established, critically acclaimed Self-titled here comes another, surprising release. Utilizing once more top-notch technology to bring you pic in the mighty 1bpp, where every color is crispy clear and sharp. When you will see it for the first time you will be simply shocked. That's how good it looks! Further glances will bring you to the details, carefully crafted, with amazing focus. All this makes impression that artist is just playing around and having fun while keeping pic as close to perfection as you could think of. Surely we will still be seeing impact of this release in the next decades. You won't find it anywhere else, this is the only super extra rare copy. The ultimate keeper and instant classic, it will never gonna let you down. Totally worth it. 10/10​

brancusi's Staff Pic

Constantin Brâncuși - Princess X (1915-16), Philadelphia Museum of Art


Genre: 1910s, independent, vanity.spouse, jizz.jazz, moist.funk, sheet.music, toy.core, post.pub.step, art.metal, staff.pics

Review:

Yes, everyone sat back himself Jupiters, there are a variety or pursues or desires to obtain, the Jupiters chosen because of a variety. And one edition loveth quiddity he, or pursues or desires Jupiters, he himself on this return edition to obtain, of the elected because of a wide variety of Jupiter. Yes, anyone who loves himself back, there is a variety of loves or pursues or desires to obtain, because the, a variety of. ~Lorem Ipsum​

Websites: konstanˈtin.brɨŋˈkuʃʲ ~ Princess X

eXistenZ's Staff Pic

AppleCore - Heart-Shaped Bite

Genre: apple.core, fruit.core, crunch.core, health.core, juice.core, whatever.core, whocares.core

Review:

Some studies say vitamin B-17 actually helps to prevent cancers & even inhibit or reverse tumor growth!​

PepoteRouge's Staff Pic

The High Frequencies - We See More Than You

Genre: ultra.violet, videophile, core.core, hot

Review:

The High Frequencies have returned with yet another Ultra High Frequency Remaster of their Extremely Limited Edition 1956 debut, this time taken straight from the 4057th Exclusive Numbered Copy. What has changed from the previous Super High Frequency Remaster, famously reconstructed from the 5012th Exclusive Numbered Copy? Nothing less than everything, thanks to the new Petaherz flawless frequency technology (Pfft).

This impression of the Sun's white hot molten core can now, at last, be experienced as the artist originally intended. For far too long have we had to deal with releases limited to the Rainbowbook-compliant 300THz to 800THz spectrum, which clearly does not suffice to capture the ultra-violet overtones and soft X-Ray accents of the Real Thing. Now, with the newest Technology, we can finally benefit from the full range all the way from 0Hz to 300PHz for Maximum Dynamics!

If you can't tell the Difference, be sure you're using the very latest in DIE (Digital Image to Eye) converters from PepoteRouge Industries*. Now your friends may tell you that people can't actually begin to perceive the added components beyond the Rainbowbook-compliant frequencies, even if you had the right kind of Expensive Equipment. They may say that the artist's impression is based on their own limited perception, and that not one artist was even aware of these subtleties at the time. They may say that the original work, created with the day's technology, was not able to capture even the Ultra Violet that has become today's Standard. Or that all frequencies were lost in the creation of the Polaroid copy used for this master. They may say that the lower frequencies are just white noise, or that the high-end would actually be detrimental somehow to your experience, equipment or tissue. What do they know, outside of whatever comes out of their radios? You know they lie! You know they're jealous of your $21,001,193 Gamma Ray Reproducer (GRR)! But with this baby, you can round them all up, turn on the GRR and smile as their ignorant faces are blown away**.

You've never experienced The High Frequencies the way you will do today!

* Totally not affiliated with this reviewer
** Totally not liable for face damage​

Ananke's Staff Pic

The Grumps - Banhammer

Genre: metal, heavy.metal, thrash, staff.core, war.gaze, hammer.time

Review:

Brutal and unyielding, the solid metal of Banhammer hits hard and fast. The Grumps have really nailed things this time around, and fans of Tool will find much to appreciate. This act shines live, so be sure to catch them next time they swing by your town. Steel yourself for impact, though - if Banhammer knocks you down, you may never get back up. ​

Lisbeth's Staff Pic

? - ?

Genre: aol.core, 90s.net, drying.paint.gaze

Review:

This review will load shortly. ​

Sinetax's Staff Pic

Slicer: This Shit is Bananas

Genre: nu.kitchen, post.knife, fruitcore, slutcore

Review:

What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone.... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices. It's one of those chores NO ONE wants to do. You know, the old "I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?" and of course, "You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?" These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That's when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we've even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER.​

SevenNationArmy's Staff Pic

² - A Self-portrait

Genre: Quite, Minimalist, ²

Review:

Absolutely stunning self-portrait. Some even call it the perfect square​

oinkmeup's Staff Pic

Le Pain - Les Baguettes

Genre: french, yeaststep

Review:

I am oinkmeup and I approve this message. Thank you for allowing me to express my thoughts on baguettes and this release. France is currently experiencing a crisis—baguettes are in short supply, and only you can save us from the famine that is soon to follow (French diets are comprised primarily of baguettes, with snails and frogs contributing most of the balance). All proceeds from sales will directly support the Save the Baguettes foundation. Not only will you be feeding the French people, but you'll be downloading one of the most brilliant works of the decade. Visionary baker-musician Étienne-Grégoire Lâcheur Mauviette's latest creation was inspired by his pioneering Accordianstep music, and reaches similarly dizzying heights of artistic brilliance. All downloads are also entirely edible.​

Hyperion's Other Staff Pic

The Light Bulbs - 10,000 Lumens

Genre: power.pop, electronic

Review:

The latest album to receive a glowing 10 rating from pitchfork; reviewer Tom Edison gushed, "This album gets me positively amped. If only these ideas had been mine; I'd be on my way to stardom."​

kernel's Staff Pic

Dented Water Pipes - Oxidized Hydrogen

Genre: drip.drop, freely.available, leak, tranceparent.flow

Review:

A fine sample of a weathered horizontal water tap releasing its refreshing and vital liquid.​

radiofred's Staff Pic

Defying Gravity - Fuck Everything

Genre: post.nonconformity, danger.core, windowstep

Review:

I think the sum totality of this release sort of speaks for itself.​

Bourbon's Staff Pic

Rad Goat - A Portrait of the Artist

Genre: horizontal.pupils, intelligent.dunce.music, poopstep, trashgaze, flopstyle

Review:

This goat is out of control. You have rules? Goat don't care about no rules. You want to party? Goat is down to party. Flop 'em if you got 'em.​

alderaan's Staff Pic

Astronaut Sloth - I Believe I Can Fly

Genre: space.core, post.space.shuttle, sloth.baus.haus

Review:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba7rRfKIHxU​

Oblivion's Staff Pic

The Selfies - Look It's Me! (Again)

Genre: indie,rock,vanity.house

Review:

The underground indie sensations The Selfies have released their latest album, Look It's Me! (Again)
on Self Obsessed Records. With tracks like Smiling, Frowning, Funny Hat, Tongue-Out, and Kissy Face, The Selfies take
you on a tedious, pointlessly obnoxious ego trip that they prefer to call "The Introspective Journey". Every track on the album is nearly identical to the last, yet we are somehow supposed to care.

This uninspired, excruciatingly tiresome album is also available in a Deluxe Edition, featuring remixes by Skrillex and a pointlessly self-indulgent re-REemix of "Here I am at Starbucks!" by Avicii. Get it, cuz they'll get all whiny if you don't.​

horklinator's Staff Pic

The Shibes - Victory

Genre: so.shibe,much.pink,wow.such.inspire

Review:

A truly inspirational work. Put this on after a hard-fought win and just let it soak in.​

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